10 Ways To Tell If You are a Guru

By Mark / January 12, 2012

More incredible laziness today… I wrote the post below 5 years ago after about 2 months in Internet Marketing. The weird thing is it hasn’t changed very much. when I wrote it $497 was the big price point now it’s $1997 but apart from that not much else. You’ll hopefully be able to recognize some of the people who I am referring to.

I am sure you can think of many more so please feel free to comment and leave me some of the ways you can spot a Guru!

Over the last few years there has been an incredible number of new “guru’s” appear in the world of internet marketing. Amazingly this has coincided with a whole host of very poorly though out products that offer very little or no value to purchaser. Coincidence? I’ll let you decide.

It could be that you are already an internet marketing Guru and you don’t even know it yet. Just to help you out here is a list of 10 (ok It’s more than 10 now!) things that will help you work out if you are in fact an Internet Marketing “Guru”

12. You refer to everyone as “My Good friend” despite the fact that you’ve never met them.

11. You start brand new emails with…. Re:-

10. Every family event, Birth, Wedding, Christening or Funeral is seen as a potential source of sales and the ideal opportunity for a webinar …hurry seats are going fast!.

9. You approach the local paperboy and offer him 50% of your sales to your new product in return for use of his “list”

8. You start to use words and expressions like “Skyrocket” and “Explode your Income” in day to day conversations

7. You write your wife a note to tell her you’ve taken the dog for a walk and it stretches to 8 pages

7b. Alternatively you leave her a 60 minute video and a note saying watch my 17 minute video (especially if your first name is Ryan)

6. You phone your local Wal-Mart and ask If you can get your shopping “even if it’s 3am”

5. You and your friends’ idea of fun is seeing who can sell the most number of $1997 products BEFORE you even write the product.

4. You get embarrassed in the showers when you find your friend has a bigger list than you.

3. You decide to sell your car but won’t tell anyone the price until they are in the bank and ready to pay

2. You take your middle kid to a new school and then try to up sell to your oldest kid and tell the headmaster that he will never see this offer again.

2a. If he says no you offer him your youngest kid as a bonus.

1. You can’t see the irony in the previous reasons

What do you do If any of the above apply to you? If you recognise that more than 1 of the 10 are applicable then I am afraid you are probably beyond saving.

About the author

Mark

https://plus.google.com/me/posts

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16 comments
Delton

7a. Every note you write to your wife is filled with bullet points

Mark, next time you post this. “Include a warning” No eating or drinking while consuming, this may cause a choking hazard.

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Duncan

Hi Mark,
Just came across your site linked from John Jonas’s – read this Guru-checker – and laughed outloud.
Thanks

Another one of the list – using the word “weird” or “strange” in the email subject line when what you are talking about in the email clearly is really not that unusual

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Marc

Your have these weird hobbies such as shooting fish in a barrel and even weirder medical problems such as a jaw that drops to the floor which you can’t afford to get fixed because you’re always leaving your money on the table.

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Stewart

I love this Marc

You forgot:

If asked for advice about something by a friend, you convince them it’s a scam before trying to sell it to them for twice the price.

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Marc

Hey Steward. Listen up. This is a ‘One Time’ Special Offer Just For You…You’re only going to see this offer once (ever), so you need to read every word very carefully. Yes! It’s that important. This Is Your First, LAST & ONLY Chance To Sign up on my list and be my very own personal ATM machine! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity for you to supply me with cash on demand! But you must HURRY NOW because time is running out. There are only two more available slots, then I’m taking the page down for good…

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Rich Russell

I am not responding to the post. I just dropped in to announce that I am retiring from internet marketing and going to live in a cave. I am only taking two sticks with me to light a fire with.

This means that I will be selling all my IM businesses at a knock down price. This is a very limited offer, available to only as many buyers as I can possibly get.

P.S.

The fact the I have retired doesn’t mean that the flood of emails you get from me will stop. My staff will still be hard at work sending out my ‘personal’ messages and you will still be able to buy my stuff.

Rich

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Stewart

Mark – lmfao – bet there’s still 2 slots left even now – lol

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Marc

Re:- Stewart

Well, they had expired but at the insistence of my good friend Mark Thompson, I’ve re-opened a slot just for you. This offer, valued at -$977,753.41 will be closing any minute now. That page really is coming down. I swear.

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Jay Gumbs

Haha, you should totally offer anyone who doesn’t like this post $100…if they can prove that they read it and didn’t at least smile at one of the points.

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Marc

Everyone avoids you at the dinner table because your jaw keeps dropping to the floor. But your dog loves it when you chase him around the house to get your jaw back.

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Marc

You can only write weird numbers such as 59673.71. This made you flunk your math courses in school so you dropped out and became an Internet marketer.

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Marc

You decide to retire from Internet marketing to live in a cave (so you can do guru stuff) but can’t find one that’s empty. All of the caves are filled up with your followers who are homeless after following your advice.

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Mark
Twitter:
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Lol…like this one!

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Mike from Maine

Wow, nothing has changed at all. It’s nice to see people like Mark who have risen in fame but haven’t sold out.

One of the first things I did when I decided to get serious was unsubscribe from all the Guru lists.

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Rudi

In 2010, you sold products to make $1500 a day, featuring top-secret underground marketing knowledge known only by a small elite.
In 2011, you sold products to make $15000 a day, assuring the consumer that this is not some sort of “top-secret underground marketing knowledge known only by a small elite” scheme.

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Shaun Broadhead

Great blog post & content, I agree the internet is full of so called guru’s many have only been internet marketing for a few months, which makes the self proclaimed guru status laughable! Many guru’s promote the good old push-button software which will earn you thousands of $ for doing very little.

I always train and teach my team members to “learn internet marketing” and not get caught up in all the guru and mentor hype.

The key to success online is good solid training and following a set blueprint to success (preferably from someone successful) and having realistic expectations.

Keep up the good work

Shaun

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